Where's the Sting?

#13

Ephesians 1:13-14 "It's in Christ that you, once you heard the truth and believed it (this Message of your salvation), found yourselves home free—signed, sealed, and delivered by the Holy Spirit. This signet from God is the first instalment on what's coming, a reminder that we'll get everything God has planned for us, a praising and glorious life."

It's been awhile since I sat down and wrote, so you would think I would have lots to say or write about, but it's been a real struggle for the thoughts to flow. I did however come across the song that I have attached to this posting (Matt Maher - Christ is Risen).

This song starts with the line:

"Let no one caught in sin remain

Inside the lie of inward shame
But fix our eyes upon the cross
And run to Him who showed great love"

I've lived in that shame and sometimes I still live in it as well but I want to run to Him now who showed great love and bled for me.

This song took me in a roundabout way to Hosea 13:14  "Who is afraid of you, Death? Who cares about your threats, Tomb? In the end I'm abolishing regret, banishing sorrow."

The enemy wants me to live in my shame, to believe the lie that my sin defines me. That I am a failure, a screw up, a bad example, unsuccessful, unfaithful, unreliable and doomed to always be. But these are lies and hollow threats. The truth is that Christ is risen from the grave and I can rise out of the grave with Him, out of my inward shame.

Straight up, I am a sinner, just as the apostle Paul said "I am the chief sinner".   My enemy likes to call me an adulterer, a liar, a failure, lustful, a covenant breaker, a thief, a dead-beat dad, an abuser, because I have done all these things - But tonight I say "Oh death where is your sting? Or hell, where is your victory?, My God is not dead He is alive, trampling over death!"

Hosea means Salvation and also happens to be the name of my youngest son.  Two years ago when my wife Lorilee was pregnant, God told her to name our son Hosea even while I was off having an affair and wanting nothing to do with her. I have to be clear here, I did the same thing to my first wife and this has been a pattern for me, one that I am very ashamed of. So an easy lie for me to listen to is that I am an adulterer, and that I bail when my wife is pregnant. But God is good and God has a bigger plan then that for me.

My God is so great, he brought me to this song tonight and to the book of Hosea so that it would come in loud and clear for me. "Kevin, don't believe the lies, don't live in the shame anymore, don't live in remorse and regret. I love you and have called you, everything that I have planned for you will come to being."

"Lord forgive me for listening to lies and not to you. Forgive me for living in shame, regret and remorse. Help me to live in the freedom and abundant life that you promise for me. You loved me in my sin and you love me now. Thank you for what you have done in my life and what you will continue to do."

It's Out Of My Hands

#12

Matthew 10:39 "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

I live life with an agenda. Everything I do has an agenda to it if I realize it or not. I work so I can be comfortable, have a home, eat good food, enjoy my spare time. I treat my wife how she wants to be treated because, didn't you know? - A happy wife means a happy life. I teach and discipline my children so that they will not hurt themselves and so they can be successful in life. I hang out with certain friends because they make me feel good. I do what my boss wants so I can keep my job, the list goes on and on. 

Life has become a giant formula. If I do "Task A" Plus "Task B" Minus "Bad Habit C" equals "Kevin is Happy" or A + B - C  = :)

So why am I a Christian? Is being a Christian just part of my agenda? Has it just become part of my magic formula?  If I put the mirror up to my life and look long and hard I have to say yes. 

I didn't have any real answers tonight, just this confession and lots of questions for myself.  I did know something though, that this is not how I want to live out my life. This is not the abundant life God has promised me. Having an agenda does not give me the freedom that God has promised me either. Living my faith within a formula isn't really faith at all, its just me trying to take back control of the life I gave to Christ.

But thankfully God brought me to this song tonight (please listen to it) and to this verse above.  I need to remember that its out of my hands and that I need to lay my life down to truly find it. It was God who lifted my head, It was Him who set me apart. It was out of my hands - RIGHT FROM THE START!

WOW what a great formula!! God - My Control = Freedom and the Abundant life!! He has already done it all for me. He saved me, He changed me, He loved me before I ever did anything. This is where I need to live, this is the truth I need to wait passionately on.

To give up control, to let go, to open up my hands I just need to trust my saviour and live my faith out in obedience to Him.  - Because its been out of my hands, right from the start!

"Lord forgive me for trying to take control of my life again after I gave it to you. You pursued me, you sought me out and found me. You set me apart and you lifted my head, not because of what I did, but simply because you love me. Help me to live in this truth daily, moment by moment and to trust and wait on you."

He Called and He Shouted

#11

Mark 10: 13 - 16 People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.

Its been a few days since I last wrote, life has just been busy the last few days. So I sat down tonight knowing that I wanted to write, but with absolutely no idea about what. Now its about 2 hours later and I have to say God met me here at my kitchen table tonight.  I was lead to this scripture and the song I have attached and to the overwhelming feeling and warmth of my heavenly fathers love for me.

My Heavenly Father has broken me softly tonight. Its so apparent to me that I have been taking too much time trying to dig deep to search for some hidden nugget or to find some new gem about my God.  But thanks be to God that he shouted through my blindness and got hold of me tonight.  He has made it abundantly clear to me that sometimes I need to stop looking so hard for the life application or the lesson that I need to learn and just enjoy His love for me.

Passionately waiting can just be resting! Passionately waiting can just be enjoying my Fathers presence! Passionately waiting can just be praising. - And in waiting on Him, I can be transformed! I was created to have a relationship with my God, and that can mean just spending time with Him, enjoying his closeness and love.

Also I have been challenged so much over the last couple weeks while writing this blog. At times I have felt guilty, ashamed and unworthy to call myself a Christ Follower and to put pen to paper on here, so to speak. Since I wrote my last post about being real at work, play and at home, I have found myself measuring every conversation and interaction closely. I have been trying to check every thought and emotion and I have to say that I am tired, I feel emotionally drained. I have messed up and I have been feeling like a failure. Somewhere along the line I made the mistake of thinking that by being open and vulnerable, I could take control of my life and become pleasing to God again.

But today Pastor Mike spoke a great sermon about the "Good Stuff". The "Good Stuff" is the great truths from God that sometimes get trampled on, choked out blown away and don't take root in our hearts. I have to confess that my heart has been hard to the truths as I listen to lies about myself. I think that I have screwed up too much, that I have messed up too many relationships, sinned too much, hurt too many people and basically I have disappointed my God.

But God called and he shouted, broke through my deafness and has made it so clear to me tonight that he loves me the way a new mother and father love their new born baby. God looks down on me with pride, amazement, happiness and joy!!  And now, like a new born baby, "I breath in and breath out - I'M ALIVE AGAIN!! You shatter my darkness you wipe away my blindness and I breath in and I breath out, I'M ALIVE AGAIN!!" (Matt Maher - Alive Again)

"Lord forgive me of two things, for searching too hard for impressive insights and wisdom and not just sitting at your feet and enjoying you. And forgive me for believing the lie that you are disappointed in me and that I need to work really hard to please you and letting that harden my heart. Thank you for breaking me softly tonight, for breaking and softening the soil on my heart to be ready to take the seeds of your truth. I love you Father!!"