Mark 10: 13 - 16 People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.
Its been a few days since I last wrote, life has just been busy the last few days. So I sat down tonight knowing that I wanted to write, but with absolutely no idea about what. Now its about 2 hours later and I have to say God met me here at my kitchen table tonight. I was lead to this scripture and the song I have attached and to the overwhelming feeling and warmth of my heavenly fathers love for me.
My Heavenly Father has broken me softly tonight. Its so apparent to me that I have been taking too much time trying to dig deep to search for some hidden nugget or to find some new gem about my God. But thanks be to God that he shouted through my blindness and got hold of me tonight. He has made it abundantly clear to me that sometimes I need to stop looking so hard for the life application or the lesson that I need to learn and just enjoy His love for me.
Passionately waiting can just be resting! Passionately waiting can just be enjoying my Fathers presence! Passionately waiting can just be praising. - And in waiting on Him, I can be transformed! I was created to have a relationship with my God, and that can mean just spending time with Him, enjoying his closeness and love.
Also I have been challenged so much over the last couple weeks while writing this blog. At times I have felt guilty, ashamed and unworthy to call myself a Christ Follower and to put pen to paper on here, so to speak. Since I wrote my last post about being real at work, play and at home, I have found myself measuring every conversation and interaction closely. I have been trying to check every thought and emotion and I have to say that I am tired, I feel emotionally drained. I have messed up and I have been feeling like a failure. Somewhere along the line I made the mistake of thinking that by being open and vulnerable, I could take control of my life and become pleasing to God again.
But today Pastor Mike spoke a great sermon about the "Good Stuff". The "Good Stuff" is the great truths from God that sometimes get trampled on, choked out blown away and don't take root in our hearts. I have to confess that my heart has been hard to the truths as I listen to lies about myself. I think that I have screwed up too much, that I have messed up too many relationships, sinned too much, hurt too many people and basically I have disappointed my God.
But God called and he shouted, broke through my deafness and has made it so clear to me tonight that he loves me the way a new mother and father love their new born baby. God looks down on me with pride, amazement, happiness and joy!! And now, like a new born baby, "I breath in and breath out - I'M ALIVE AGAIN!! You shatter my darkness you wipe away my blindness and I breath in and I breath out, I'M ALIVE AGAIN!!" (Matt Maher - Alive Again)
"Lord forgive me of two things, for searching too hard for impressive insights and wisdom and not just sitting at your feet and enjoying you. And forgive me for believing the lie that you are disappointed in me and that I need to work really hard to please you and letting that harden my heart. Thank you for breaking me softly tonight, for breaking and softening the soil on my heart to be ready to take the seeds of your truth. I love you Father!!"
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