Showing posts with label worship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label worship. Show all posts

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Changed By Waiting

#9
Romans 8:37 “...in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”
I came across a great quote yesterday: “If you don’t live it, you don’t believe it.” I came across this quote as I was doing some training for a local cleaning company of all things. The founder of this company, Marion E. Wade, was a strong Christian man, and was famous for using this quote that he built his business model on.
You may be wondering, as I was last night, what am I doing training for a cleaning company?  Well over the last year or so I have been struggling with what exactly God has called me to do with my life. About 2 months ago God made it clear to me that my purpose and my calling right now is to be a Great Husband, a Great Father and a Provider for my family. Once I get a good handle on that, he will have more for me to do. So I thought, great I got it now, now I can relax. The fact of the matter is I believed this was my calling but I didn’t make any changes to fulfill it. I wasn’t living it, so I didn’t really believe it.  
Financially we have struggled these last few years, and I have a tendency to put my head in the sand and hope for the best.  I decided I can’t do that anymore, so I got myself a part time job on top of my full-time job to help provide for my wife and family.   This quote I heard last night was confirmation that God was pleased I was, in a small way, living my beliefs out.
I have to admit that this is just a small part of me being a Great Husband, a Great Father and a Provider for my family. I don’t measure up in lots of ways; I have a son in another city I don’t see or talk to nearly enough, I constantly mess up with my wife in so many ways, I struggle often to be a good dad and step dad to my boys, I could go on and on....But now I am starting to live out my purposes.

I realize that it’s often my feelings of guilt and shame that have paralyzed me into doing nothing. It’s my thoughts of not measuring up or feeling like I am not good enough that have kept me ineffective.  My pride has kept me from stepping out because I want to have everything in order before I try something new or step out of my comfort zone. There are just some of the lies and some of the tactics Satan uses to keep me from fulfilling my purposes.  
I have to say that I am so thankful for the time I have been taking to Passionately Wait on God. In this short time something very cool has happened. I was waiting for God to fix some things I wasn’t happy with or to change my circumstances. But instead he is actually changing me and through that I am changing my outcomes, with His power and with His leading!!  The lies I sometimes listen to are being drowned out by the truths that God is showing me. I am now starting to live what I believe, and only because of the Grace of my Heavenly Father!! What a great God I serve and wait on! 
“Lord forgive me for believing the lies that I am not good enough and that my past sin and guilt will keep me from fulfilling my purposes. Thank you that you love me so much that you change me on the inside even when I don’t realize it.  Lord thank you that as I draw closer to you that you draw closer to me and I can’t help but to be changed in your presence.”

Saturday, 16 April 2011

It's a Surprise!

# 7

2 Corinthians 2: 9-10 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Grace, it's always a surprise. It comes when I'm not expecting it, if I thought I deserved it then it wouldn’t really be grace anymore. Its so much more then mercy, it takes mercy and builds on it. Mercy is the starting point, Grace is where the action is, where the party is, it's where His love lives.

Tonight I thought of a moment in my life about 3 years ago. I was off being a complete ass for lack of a better term. For those of you who don’t know, I had an affair on my wife and in that time left home to live with another woman. One night Lorilee (my wife) and I had an intense evening, I was trying to leave her and she didn’t want me to go. A few hours of fighting and talking she decided to just let me go. This was showing me mercy, she could of kept hounding me, because she had the right, but she let me go free. But that was just the starting point. Lorilee went to go inside, as I was packed to go, but then she stopped at the door, came back and said to me. “You look like you need a hug”. - WOW GRACE!! WOW WHAT A HUG!!

I needed a hug badly!! Yes I was hurting Lorilee, more then I knew, but also in that moment I was weak and hurting too. God saw that weakness and used Lorilee to love me. That hug, that act of grace, stuck with me the whole time I was apart from her. Gods love lived in that moment, He lived in that act of grace, and it started to change me. Praise God for His Grace.

Tonight as I write, I write with a heavy heart. Yesterday Lorilee and I found out that she had a miscarriage and the baby we had been expecting is gone. I have to admit, I am hurting right now. But in this moment, in this time of hurt and emotion I feel Gods arms around me.

God has already shown me mercy, he gave me the right to live a free life, to do what I want, to go where I want, to be who I want to be, but for some reason Gods eyes are always on me. And now in this moment God has stopped, noticed, and has come alongside me to bring comfort, hope and peace. He sees that I need a hug tonight and he is drawing near to me: “Kevin, you look like you need a hug”. His love is being lived out in his grace – His kindness and comfort for me. What did I do to deserve it? - absolutely nothing.

What a pleasant surprise His Grace is tonight! - Praise God!

“Thank you Lord that your grace is sufficient for me, Thank you that when I am weak, that then I am strong because of you. Lord Forgive me for forgetting that you are always watching over me and that you care for me. Help me to praise you in all circumstances. Thank you for your unending Love and Grace.”