Whack Job

#10

Matthew 10:32-34 “Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven. Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.”

Well, I just got whacked. Not Mafia style whacked, I am not writing this from a trunk of a car as we speak, typing with my head in a vice or swimming with the fishes as I blog. I just got whacked by God. It was like he said to me “I’m gonna make you an offer you can’t refuse.” - “Either put your life on the line or don’t bother writing anymore.”  You may be wondering what I mean by putting my life on the line.

I have to be straight up here and totally honest with myself. I can lead a double life sometimes. I find it easy to portray myself the way I want to or the way I think people would like.  I find it easy to blend in, to make people like me and to just go with the flow. It’s also very easy to write this blog knowing my church friends and people might appreciate it, but it’s another thing completely to consider all my friends, my co-workers and acquaintances may be reading this as well. Will they read this now and think “Who is this Kevin?” “Where did the normal Kevin we see and talk with everyday go?”

I have to be honest with myself again and ask some tough questions; Am I ashamed of the Gospel, the Good News of Jesus Christ? Or am I just ashamed of how I have carried myself, the conversations I have had, the jokes I have made, the gossip I have been involved in and the attitudes I can have? – It’s the latter. I am not ashamed of Jesus and his Good News, people know what I believe, but do my actions portray my belief at all?

Only two days ago I wrote: “If you don’t live it, you don’t believe it”  - WHACK!!

To put my life on the line today, tonight, this week, and right now I need to open myself up to the chance to be criticized, to be called two faced, to be seen as un-authentic and to maybe lose some respect in people’s eyes. I need to own up to the fact that I am not the most shining example of what a Christian should look and act like.  I need to repent of that and make changes, but also, I want to passionately wait and hang on to Gods truth fro me today:

Matthew 10:39 “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

There is hope in this verse for me. It’s a promise from God that he will be faithful to me, show me my real identity and give me a true purpose for my life.

So, tonight, and from now on, all my blog postings will go directly on my Facebook wall, where all my friends, co-workers and acquaintances can find it. No more hoping that just my church friends will read along. I may be found wanting in the looking and acting like a good Christian department, but I don’t want to hold on to my life or my pride anymore. I want to lay it down at the Cross and let God continue to change me, use me and mould me, warts and all. I want to be authentic, even if what I see in the mirror, I am not proud of yet....

“Lord, forgive me once again for holding on to my life and my pride. The silly thing is that it’s not even worth hanging on to. Lord change me, I want to be the same man at work, at play, at home and at church. Give me the courage to stand for you, the ability to say I am sorry, the humility to be able to own up to my shortcomings and mistakes. May I also humbly and thankfully accept your Grace – Which is you working inside me and changing me. Lord you love me just the way I am but you refuse to leave me this way”

Changed By Waiting

#9

Romans 8:37 “...in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”

I came across a great quote yesterday: “If you don’t live it, you don’t believe it.” I came across this quote as I was doing some training for a local cleaning company of all things. The founder of this company, Marion E. Wade, was a strong Christian man, and was famous for using this quote that he built his business model on.

You may be wondering, as I was last night, what am I doing training for a cleaning company?  Well over the last year or so I have been struggling with what exactly God has called me to do with my life. About 2 months ago God made it clear to me that my purpose and my calling right now is to be a Great Husband, a Great Father and a Provider for my family. Once I get a good handle on that, he will have more for me to do. So I thought, great I got it now, now I can relax. The fact of the matter is I believed this was my calling but I didn’t make any changes to fulfill it. I wasn’t living it, so I didn’t really believe it.  

Financially we have struggled these last few years, and I have a tendency to put my head in the sand and hope for the best.  I decided I can’t do that anymore, so I got myself a part time job on top of my full-time job to help provide for my wife and family.   This quote I heard last night was confirmation that God was pleased I was, in a small way, living my beliefs out.

I have to admit that this is just a small part of me being a Great Husband, a Great Father and a Provider for my family. I don’t measure up in lots of ways; I have a son in another city I don’t see or talk to nearly enough, I constantly mess up with my wife in so many ways, I struggle often to be a good dad and step dad to my boys, I could go on and on....But now I am starting to live out my purposes.

I realize that it’s often my feelings of guilt and shame that have paralyzed me into doing nothing. It’s my thoughts of not measuring up or feeling like I am not good enough that have kept me ineffective.  My pride has kept me from stepping out because I want to have everything in order before I try something new or step out of my comfort zone. There are just some of the lies and some of the tactics Satan uses to keep me from fulfilling my purposes.  

I have to say that I am so thankful for the time I have been taking to Passionately Wait on God. In this short time something very cool has happened. I was waiting for God to fix some things I wasn’t happy with or to change my circumstances. But instead he is actually changing me and through that I am changing my outcomes, with His power and with His leading!!  The lies I sometimes listen to are being drowned out by the truths that God is showing me. I am now starting to live what I believe, and only because of the Grace of my Heavenly Father!! What a great God I serve and wait on! 

“Lord forgive me for believing the lies that I am not good enough and that my past sin and guilt will keep me from fulfilling my purposes. Thank you that you love me so much that you change me on the inside even when I don’t realize it.  Lord thank you that as I draw closer to you that you draw closer to me and I can’t help but to be changed in your presence.”

An Indescribable Perspective

#8

2 Chronicles 6:18 Can it be that God will actually move into our neighbourhood? Why, the cosmos itself isn't large enough to give you breathing room, let alone this Temple I've built.

I realize that often my perspective of things isn’t always right. Often my highs at work are too high and my lows are way too low.  Issues I have with people or family can seem insurmountable, tasks and responsibilities seem extra daunting.  The Canucks winning or losing seems so super important (well it is). Life can be super hard, and life can be so amazingly great!

I was looking up a passage today which I wanted to read again, but I stumbled on this portion of scripture instead. King Solomon, the wisest man who has ever lived, just finished building the Temple of God in Jerusalem and was praying at the opening ceremony, so to speak. Right smack dab in the middle of his prayer, Solomon brings some perspective to the situation: “the cosmos itself isn't large enough to give you breathing room, let alone this Temple I've built.”   I love this; the wisest man in the world, one of the richest kings ever, brings clarity, perspective, reality and humbleness to the forefront.  Basically he says “God you’re really, really, really, really big and we are really, really, really small.”

In this though, I don’t want to forget that this job of building the temple was a really big deal. God had promised to King David that his son would build a permanent temple for God to dwell in. So this was a big deal to God and to the whole nation of Israel. I like Solomon, also have some very important things to do; provide for my family, love my wife and children, live a Godly life, and take care of my responsibilities; these are all very important things. This is however where Gods Grace kicks in. This is where his love gets a chance to live out:

-We are just like the temple.  We are a beautifully designed, created, constructed and crafted by God and for God to live inside us. This was promised for generations and generations:  Colossians 1: 26-29 ...this mystery has been kept in the dark for a long time, but now it's out in the open. God wanted everyone, not just Jews, to know this rich and glorious secret inside and out, regardless of their background, regardless of their religious standing. The mystery in a nutshell is just this: Christ is in you...

Back in 2 Chronicles, Solomon goes on to pray for people who offend each other, for war, for famine, for disasters, for when people sin for the whole nation. He got his perspective right and then he laid it at Gods feet. God was now coming to dwell amongst His people in a house they created for Him. He was asking for God to care about every situation.

One of the things that I find the hardest about passionately waiting for God is that I sometimes don’t trust that he cares about me or that he really can help me. This is when I need to change my perspective.  Unlike Solomon I didn’t have to build a temple, I just had to be available and willing to accept him - Now He dwells inside me.  The Kings of Kings the creator of everything good, the source of life, lives in me!! How’s that for a proper perspective?  I did nothing, I didn’t deserve this, I really truly am totally undeserving of Him, but God chooses to love me and live inside me!! How can I not now wait with passion, with hope and with fervency to see what He will do through me and in me?

Now that God is living in me, he wants to live in my life completely, my job is to be obedient and humble enough to bring everything to God. Each responsibility, each relationship, each stress, each tragedy God wants to breathe His life into. More than that, He doesn’t just want to bless and make things work out for me. He wants to live and interact in each moment with me.  Everything I do should be an opportunity for me to let God to work supernaturally through me. Oh how I fail at this!!  But oh how amazing that would be!!

“Forgive me Lord that I forget how great you are. Help me to be like Solomon and continually re-focus and shift my perspective. You are truly indescribable and great! Help me Lord not to do things out of my own strength but to use the gift, the fact that you are living in me! Thank you again Lord that you loved me enough to not just die for me, but to also live inside me and change me.”

It's a Surprise!

# 7

2 Corinthians 2: 9-10 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Grace, it's always a surprise. It comes when I'm not expecting it, if I thought I deserved it then it wouldn’t really be grace anymore. Its so much more then mercy, it takes mercy and builds on it. Mercy is the starting point, Grace is where the action is, where the party is, it's where His love lives.

Tonight I thought of a moment in my life about 3 years ago. I was off being a complete ass for lack of a better term. For those of you who don’t know, I had an affair on my wife and in that time left home to live with another woman. One night Lorilee (my wife) and I had an intense evening, I was trying to leave her and she didn’t want me to go. A few hours of fighting and talking she decided to just let me go. This was showing me mercy, she could of kept hounding me, because she had the right, but she let me go free. But that was just the starting point. Lorilee went to go inside, as I was packed to go, but then she stopped at the door, came back and said to me. “You look like you need a hug”. - WOW GRACE!! WOW WHAT A HUG!!

I needed a hug badly!! Yes I was hurting Lorilee, more then I knew, but also in that moment I was weak and hurting too. God saw that weakness and used Lorilee to love me. That hug, that act of grace, stuck with me the whole time I was apart from her. Gods love lived in that moment, He lived in that act of grace, and it started to change me. Praise God for His Grace.

Tonight as I write, I write with a heavy heart. Yesterday Lorilee and I found out that she had a miscarriage and the baby we had been expecting is gone. I have to admit, I am hurting right now. But in this moment, in this time of hurt and emotion I feel Gods arms around me.

God has already shown me mercy, he gave me the right to live a free life, to do what I want, to go where I want, to be who I want to be, but for some reason Gods eyes are always on me. And now in this moment God has stopped, noticed, and has come alongside me to bring comfort, hope and peace. He sees that I need a hug tonight and he is drawing near to me: “Kevin, you look like you need a hug”. His love is being lived out in his grace – His kindness and comfort for me. What did I do to deserve it? - absolutely nothing.

What a pleasant surprise His Grace is tonight! - Praise God!

“Thank you Lord that your grace is sufficient for me, Thank you that when I am weak, that then I am strong because of you. Lord Forgive me for forgetting that you are always watching over me and that you care for me. Help me to praise you in all circumstances. Thank you for your unending Love and Grace.”

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Corinthians%2012&version=NIV

Sculpted from Nothing into Something

# 6

Psalm 139 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation!

Reading this Psalm today, and after listening to the song I have posted today, I was struck by something. David says: “you formed me...I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration....” David is so impressed by what a great creation he himself is that he worships God for it. I know for me, and I am sure lots of us, that we don’t exactly feel so beautiful; beautiful enough to worship God for anyways – But this is exactly what David does. Now, Lorilee often tells me that David must have been a hottie and she is going to look him up first when she gets to heaven, so maybe this only applies to David – But I think there is more to it then that. David didn’t exactly lead a pure life, and I don’t think he is talking about his good looks, but he still was impressed by how God had formed him, impressed enough to worship God.

I went back and re-read Psalm 139 again. The whole theme of this Psalm is that God knows everything about us....Lord you searched me, you know my thoughts, you know what I am going to do, you know what I am going to say, your all around me, I cant get away from you, you created my soul, you put me together, I am an open book to you!

What a Scary and amazing thought - God knows every impure thought I have, every bad attitude, everything I do in secret, everything I want to say but don’t and He loves me!

He knows every disappointment I have had, every failure, all the guilt I carry and He pursues me.

He knows every bad decision I have made, every time I turned from Him, every time I ignored him and He is jealous for me.

He knows every heartbreak, every time I hurt someone and every time I wanted to just give up and He weeps over me, He dances over me, He is my Abba Father, and He died for me!! I must be beautiful in His eyes!!

This may be partly why David worshiped in adoration, and it is a big reason I passionately wait on Him now and worship! David got a small glimpse of His Fathers heart, as I did today. A Father who knit me together from the inside out. He didn’t just give me life, he shaped me from the inside out, my character, my personality, my bent, my passions, He created those first and he dances over me!

“Lord I praise you because you love me. I love you because you first loved me. This sounds self serving Lord, but it is the truth, you know everything about me and you love me, how I can not love you back?! I praise you Lord, help me to see the beauty in all of your people, for they are beautiful too!”

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%20139&version=MSG

He Lives In My Praise

#5

Psalm 22:3 (KJV) But thou art holy, O thou that inhabits the praises of your people.

I have to say that often I am thankful for my church heritage and upbringing. The first church I ever went to was not exactly like Southside that I attend now, let’s just say it was a little more conservative. - Never mind, it was the polar opposite of Southside!! At this church they always read from the King James Version, because it’s the only real bible you know - just kidding.  However, if I had never had exposure to the King James I might have missed this verse. - So props to Victoria Gospel Hall!!

Lately I have felt the Lord impressing this verse on me. (Psalm 22:3)  I am still trying to passionately wait on the Lord and in this verse I find one of my first keys to waiting with passion - Praise the Lord!!   When I praise the Lord, through song, or prayer or meditation of his word I feel Him draw near to me. James 4: 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. 

There is an amazing, supernatural thing happening here. By praising God, no matter my circumstances, I am consciously handing over my will, my emotions, my worries, my guilt, my shame and I am being obedient to my Heavenly Father. By doing this I give God the permission to work miraculously in my life.

The challenge I have is to praise Him in all circumstances: When I have messed up and sinned, when I am worried about money, when I am angry with my spouse, when I feel shame for things in my past, when my work isn’t going the way I want it to. In these times God hasn’t changed, just my circumstances and my attitude, so why shouldn’t I still praise Him? Last time I checked he is still the King of Kings and He still died for me.

What a great promise this is to me! If I Praise my Heavenly Father he will draw near to me. When I praise Him he is there. When I praise him I invite Him to work in all my circumstances.

"Lord, thank you that you love me and that you care about me. Help me Lord to give you praise in all my circumstances and forgive me when I don’t, when things don’t seem to being going the way I think they should. You are the same yesterday today and forever, no matter what is going on in my life. Thank you that you draw near to me when I draw near to you."

Dive In

#4

John 21:7 When Simon Peter realized that it was the Master, he threw on some clothes, for he was stripped for work, and dove into the sea. The other disciples came in by boat...

I was drawn to this story again tonight; it is one of my favourites. This takes place after Jesus has been crucified and resurrected. Peter and some other disciples have now decided to go back to their old job, fishing.  I am drawn to this story for a couple reasons:

1) I can relate to Peter, he just a few days earlier denied Jesus three times. I know in my life I have done the same through my actions and disobedience

2) So quickly after a huge world changing, mind blowing event, the disciples went back to their old jobs. Old habits and comfort zones are hard to break even after a life changing experience with God.

But, something new jumped out at me tonight; Peter saw Jesus and dove into the water. Why did he dive in? Why didn’t he cower in shame at the back of the boat? Why didn’t he just take it cool like the other disciples and row the boat in? Maybe Peter knew something I need to know?

God is telling me to DIVE IN. Peter got it I think, Jesus died because he loved Peter so much. He came to the Sea of Galilee where they were fishing; and he sought them out, because He loved him. So Peter dove in to be with his master, his saviour.

How many times do I tell myself I can’t worship, read my bible, and pray because I just screwed up again today? But God is telling me tonight: "Dive back in Kevin." How many times do I think I was a lousy dad today, a bad husband, a bad example and then put God on the shelf? God is saying: "Dive back in Kevin!"

Oh how he love us!

"Lord forgive me, I put you aside to often because of my guilt, of my shame. Thank you Lord that you died for me, that you sought me out and that you want a relationship with me. Help me to get over myself and dive back in. Thank you for your love that is seeking me daily."

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john%2021&version=MSG

The Inside Out

#3

I wanted to write something tonight to bring praise to Jesus for who He is. I wanted to write poetically, create beauty on a page, feel the art flow easily. If I were to be totally honest, maybe I was looking to make an impression? Since this is my new blog and all.  But then God kind of kicked me in the ass...hows that for poetry?

Romans 12: 1-2 says:  ^"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering.....Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out."

Memo to Kevin from God: "You think you can impress me by impressing the people reading this with your flowery words and your poorly composed poetry? I'm not interested, I want your life Kevin! Lay your life down as an offering to me, and then you know what you can do? - You can wait!! Fix your attention on me, see what I will do."

I forget so easily, I like to think I have it figured out so fast. - Wasn't it just yesterday I wrote about placing all the pieces before him? And wasn't it also, just yesterday that I wrote about opening the book of my life to Him,  to re-write the text of my life? And now so soon, God reminds me again, that this needs to be done daily. 

So what does it mean to lay all the pieces before him?  - isn't there a little cutesy prayer I can repeat a few times?  No, it means I have to actually work at this, moment by moment, each conversation, each decision, each action, each attitude, each thought, each relationship, they are all to be an offering to God, an act of my will,  to lay it at his feat at his altar.  This scares me, because when I lay it down, I actually have to let it go and then, yes, I have to wait. - with expectation, with hope, with faith. 

"Lord forgive my unbelief. Forgive my pride, thinking that I could impress you with my words. Mostly Lord, forgive me for not worshipping you with my life, minute by minute. Thank you for your grace, your mercy, your unending love and your patience with me. Thank you that even though I need to consciously lay may life before you as an offering, that you promised that you will do the rest and bless my obedience by changing me from the inside out. Continue to rewrite the text of my life, make it a worship story to you!!"

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%2012&version=MSG

Puzzels, Books and a New Text

#2

A family tradition of mine on Christmas Day or on summer vacation at the "Lucky Leprechaun" cabin on Skaha Lake was to work on a puzzle with the whole family.  The first step was to always open up the box and dump the contents on the table, spread out all the pieces and get down to work.  I cant say that I always had the patinece or will to finish them, but the process always started the same way.  

Coming to the end of King Davids life I read in 2 Samuel 22:21 (The Message) that David declares "God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him."   I have to say that I can relate to David, some of the very things he struggled with have been, regrettably a part of my life as well. But I find a hope in this prayer and song of David as he looks back at his life and says two things: lay all the pieces of my life (yes ALL of them, the good the bad the ugly) before God, and open the book of my heart before Gods eyes.....then wait, wait expectantly.

What can I wait for, hope for, expect? - Completeness and God to rewrite the text of my life!! This puts a smile on my face, a joy in my heart. He doesn't just want to put all my broken pieces together, or write a new chapter in my life, this is about completeness, fulfillment, wholeness and a completely new , rewritten life story, that David is talking about!

(2 Corinthians 5:17) Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

My prayer today is "Lord, forgive me for holding onto pieces of my life, they really are all yours. You know how I fit together, you created me, but I need to give you all of me, each day to you. Lord search my life like an open book, and don't just create a new chapter, but re-write the text of my life today."

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20samuel%2022&version=MSG

My First Post

# 1 Why Passionately Waiting? 

In Lamentations 3, the author tells us that God is good to those who passionately wait, to those who diligently seek Him. But what does it mean to passionately wait?

Waiting seems like a passive action, something I can do half asleep, there is no real need to put my heart into it. But here I am told to wait with passion, with fervor, and with intensity. This doesn't sound like something I can do on a lazy Sunday afternoon. This sounds like something that takes a conscious effort, a determination an act of my will.

My goal then, with this Blog, is to act out of my will, not to coast by with my normal passivity, but to passionately wait on God with expectation of the good things he will do and show me.

So if you like, in a small way, wait passionately with me. Wait expectantly with me. I want to wait by searching, praising, exploring and learning. I will then wait on the Lord to continue to be good to me....

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Lamentations%203&version=MSG